Love is not about control. It is about liking the other person for who they are. It is about accepting their faults, tolerating their bad habits, and being there for them when they are sad.
When you are attached to someone, you only want them to exist to serve your needs. You will want to change them in ways that will make you happier. When you love someone, you will meet in the middle. You understand that what you both want out of a relationship will not always be the same. Hence you try to come up with a solution that makes both of you happy.
Attachment is about wanting the other person to bow to your needs. It is always your way or the highway. Is being with the other person difficult? Are they constantly finding faults with you or trying to change how you feel? Do you feel happy or is each day a struggle? When you find true love, it is easy. You both want to make each other happy, so it becomes easier to compromise and abate arguments.
Of course, you may encounter a few obstacles, but it is never too difficult. However, attachment can always feel like an uphill battle. The biggest difference between emotional attachment vs love is that one makes you grow while the other hinders your growth. When you love someone, you want to be the best version of yourself for the other person. But with attachment, you may not care what the other person thinks.
So, you never try to look at your faults or bad behaviour, and you never try to grow as a person. If you are looking for more insights into love vs. When you are with someone, how can you tell if it is love vs. What are some signs that someone is getting attached?
Still in a dilemma? Do check out this enlightening video about love vs. Emotional attachment vs love is very different.
Emotional attachment can be limiting and detrimental to your growth. If you feel that you are attached to someone, it is important to recognise it. These types of relationships are ones in which both parties enjoy spending time with each other, care about each other, and do the most to make sure that the other one is happy. True, there are moments when these relationships become strained or one party can annoy the other, but in the end, the relationship is based on love and able to continue.
When we are attached to someone, we are often in that relationship to meet our needs. Being attached to someone means that we are receiving something from the relationship that keeps us there. These types of relationships are often unhealthy for everyone involved. While attachment may seem like love, the highs and lows are typically far stronger, and there are some telltale signs that help individuals to determine whether they are attached or in love. Here are some of the most common situations or feelings that you may have encountered within your relationship that will help you to distinguish between true love or attachment.
Love is based on trust. Trust is the foundation which allows two people to go about their day without worrying that their partner may be doing something that could ruin the relationship. Attachment, on the other hand, tends to leave people feeling anxious and upset when their partner is gone.
When they're together, the person who is attached may feel very happy, but when they leave, they get anxious. If they cannot get in contact with their partner, they may feel even worse about the situation and can go to drastic measures to attempt to contact them. If you feel this way when your partner is away from you, you are likely attached, not in love. When you fall in love with someone, you begin to develop a joint identity. This consists of everything you do together, and many people will be able to see this separate entity that has been created from the relationship.
However, this does not mean that you lose all sense of self. Space is needed in order for relationships to thrive. Couples should still maintain their own identities, do their own things, and enjoy time apart even when they are in a relationship. In relationships where one or both partners are attached, the relationship becomes the sole focus.
Some people may give up on their own lives entirely. They try to spend every second with their significant other and they will sacrifice their time and their freedom to make sure that they can be with their partner. Over time, they lose a life of their own.
Instead, they simply exist within the relationship and seek to rid both people of their singular identities. Helen Fisher predicts that there are three different phases of love in the brain. According to Fisher, these phases of love can be felt for the same person at the same time, or they can be experienced completely independently from one another for different people. Attachment, defined as a connection or feeling of being emotionally close to someone, is a major component of love.
Attachment can be defined as a psychological bond that forms between an infant and the mother, the father, or other caregiver. This bond begins in the hours immediately following birth and continues throughout infancy. Later, attachments begin to form with other familiar people.
While one can be attached to someone or something and not be in love with the object of attachment, love sometimes cannot exist without attachment, as shown by the attachment theory of love. The word attachment brings about fear in some individuals because it sounds like one is exclusively dependent on or constantly in need of another person. For example, many forms of jealousy in relationships arise from attachment. People are attached to their current relationship and jealousy occurs when negative thoughts and feelings about the loss of a relationship start to arise.
However, there are healthy kinds of attachment that are a necessary part of a loving relationship. Healthy attachments can provide a sense of safety and reduce anxiety or stress.
Oxytocin is a chemical found in the brain that produces feelings of pleasure and satisfaction and activates the reward center of the brain — the same center of the brain that is activated by addictive drugs. This in turn can cause humans to feel attachment to the source of this pleasure, the same way one becomes addicted to the effects of a drug.
According to Cullins, they're less likely to find ways to reciprocate the things you do for them. If your partner stopped sharing their opinions in order to avoid disagreements and confrontation, it's a sign that they don't want to risk losing you.
When someone is attached and not in love, their relationship somehow becomes their entire identity, Bethany Ricciardi , Sex and Relationship Expert with TooTimid , tells Bustle. You may be their only friend, their entire schedule may revolve around you, and you've stopped finding ways to compromise because they just go along with everything you say. In general, you'll know your partner is attached if your relationship dynamic is unhealthy. In a loving relationship, both partners should empower each other and feel a healthy sense of freedom.
But if one or both partners in a relationship are fighting to gain control, Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics , tells Bustle, it may be attachment instead of love. They may be using your relationship to validate themselves or even their feelings for you. Of course this doesn't always meant that a partner is attached rather than in love, but take note if your partner does this out of a need to take ownership of you rather than share your happy moments.
Love takes time to grow and develop.
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